My husband and I have been together for almost nine years. During that time the way we talk about money has evolved.
At first, during the first couple of years, we talked about money not very often. We were too busy looking into each other’s eyes, whispering sweet nothings into each others ears, etc. But we still do that now, we are each holding a child in our arms. You know what I am talking about, during the early stages of any relationship confrontation is almost always avoided and couples agree on mostly everything.
Then we got comfortable with each other, we got married and our finances were forever consolidated. Now, talking about money could not be avoided because money was a common denominator in our relationship. Then it became a challenge. Our conversations were filled with tension and defensiveness. At this point we were just learning about each other’s different approach to finances, how each processed this information and how each dealt with it. It was a rough time but the more we had these arguments the better because the more we learned about each other and the more we learned how to tackle this difficult topic.
Nowadays, talking about money is more talking and less fighting about it. It is still challenging because we still have different views on things, so we can’t expect the other to completely agree on something right away. But we have learned to listen to each other’s arguments for and against a situation. Now we have an understanding of where the other is coming from and our approaches to finances. But at the end we are more likely to find a resolution we are both happy about without feeling angry, alienated or resentful.
All in all, talking about money is hard but the key is in continuing to do so. Practice makes master. Don’t shy away from talking about finances because you feel it may hurt your relationship. If you learn to handle this topic it will only strengthen it.